I woke up early this morning, haunted by dreams about work—specifically about people at work and their reactions.
It wasn’t a pleasant return to the waking world.
As you all know, lately, I’ve been reading about Stoicism.
One of its central lessons is this: we are rarely disturbed by things themselves, but rather by the meanings we assign to them.
If there’s an asshole in your office—someone rude, abrasive, perhaps even cruel—his actions are simply that: his actions.
What gives them power is how we interpret them.
This distinction—between what happens and what we make of it—is vital, though not easy to practice.
Our reactions are our responsibility. The sting we feel, the resentment we harbor, the meaning we attach—these are all within our domain.
Throughout my career, I’ve worked with more than a few toxic managers.
People who not only lacked the basic courtesy to work collaboratively but who also seemed to have missed the most elementary lessons in humanity.
Their communication was crude. Their leadership was uninspired.
After some time, I realized that many of these so-called leaders had never received any education in virtue.
At first, I waited. I hoped they would mature, soften, learn how to lead with care.
But eventually I understood: it was foolish to hope for them to change. Wiser to stop expecting it.
The most basic social decency I had learned during my years in England—from senior school to university—seemed entirely absent in the professional environments I found myself in back in this country.
So I chose disdain.
I’m not proud of that choice, but I acknowledge it now as a strategy of survival.
A way to emotionally distance myself from systems that value sameness over difference, inheritance over innovation.
That quiet disdain helped me survive in Tokyo.
I wish I had known Stoicism earlier.
I wish I had been able to clearly separate action from perception.
I haven’t mastered the art—but I now know there is a way.
And knowing that gives me strength.
Strength to face the “real realm” once more, with more clarity and less illusion. ■